I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
