Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
wow bdsm is so cute
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
