Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
