Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
