I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Terrible idea I love it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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