im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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