ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
