3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
