u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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