Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
