Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
