Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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