Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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