I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
