The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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