Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
