did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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