you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
