No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
