Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
