he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
