She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The power of my boobs compel you
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
