I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
