i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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