wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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