And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
