JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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