i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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