mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
