everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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