Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
