its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
