I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
