it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
