Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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