I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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