i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
