I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
