i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
