there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
