The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
