I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
