Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
