I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
