John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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