Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He better not be in your backpack
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
