we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
