every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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