I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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