oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
