Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
