Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
