i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
